“Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Words Will Never Hurt Me.”
If you ask me, I’ve always hated this quote. Sure, it might be something to say to be strong, to keep oneself from falling into the darkness of a situation, but, in truth, if you’re at this point, you need to stop lying to yourself.
Bullying stinks. Sometimes I wonder, is there really a way out?
I’d love to stay positive, but as I have been bullied before, I’m not going to lie to you guys. There’s not always a way out. Sometimes, hope can’t stay in your mind for more than a minute before thick storm clouds of bad thoughts invade again. I’d love to say “You Never Walk Alone” like the musical ‘Carousel’, and say that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. It would be wonderful if I could smile from the bottom of my heart, and tell you that you don’t have to cry by yourself on the school playground anymore. I’d love to just step out of your screen and give you a hug whenever you’re sad.
But, sadly, I can’t go beyond a Skype conversation. If my face can make you happy, then, well, that’s awesome. I’ll even do a photo shoot if you wanted me to. ;)
My point is, bullying is not easy to escape.
My experience with bullying is not extensive, but enough to scar. In middle school, I kept going to this summer camp where all the other campers hated every fiber of my being, at least, it felt like they did. They would pull chairs out from under me, or make jokes about how many lunches I ate. The one time I got mad at them, I got in serious trouble for it, and I could have cried for a whole afternoon after that experience. It was a 10 vs. 2 battle. Me and my one friend versus the rest of the group.
In reality, it was a group of children backing up one bad nut. I won’t say names because honestly, I don’t even think I’ve got the names mixed together. It all came down to the case of my weight, my clumsiness. Just like the person in the above video. Though, back then, I could escape summer camp, and I had a wonderful mother to turn to. Part of the reason why bullying didn’t destroy me. Then there was also my allegiance with God.
But then, in High School, the situation switched a little bit. I will say I never did anything like what those kids in Middle School Summer Camp did to me. However, what I did cannot be justified. I believe it was my freshman year, and there was one group of three girls and one boy we sat with. It was a happy group, for a whole, anyway. But then, one day, when the boy wasn’t around, the girls mentioned something disturbing about the boy, something I agreed with, somewhere in my heart. Then, the girls disappeared, and I was left alone with him.
That was when it became a problem.
I became scared. I didn’t want this disturbing thing to happen to me. My fear grew more and more, and finally, I simply left, and the boy ended up alone. I never really did see him again either. It dissipated with time. But, every time I saw him in the hall, I always remembered that horrible thing I did. I felt like the most guilty
thing in the world. And this was a boy I genuinely respected and thought was a great friend.
I have, since then, apologized to him, after years. He seemed completely fine with it a few years afterwards… but I do always wonder what happened that day, when he went to lunch, and none of his friends were there anymore. I wonder what he must have felt when the seat next to him was empty. I wonder if he simply just found someone else to sit with. I wonder what would have happened if I had just had the guts to get over the comments and deal with it. Guess I’ll never know.
So lesson? Well, nothing specific, honestly, but, be careful out there people. What you say, what you do, really do affect everyone else. I would be overstepping my bounds to ask you guys to stop the world’s bullying problems, but it’s not like this bullying has to end up with everyone’s life as a wreck. I survived bullying and am proud to say it. I still suffer depression sometimes, and I would be lying if I told you I’ve never thought of suicide in my life. But, you know what, as the years pass, I know that a lot of those things are getting farther behind me. It’s not gone, but as these new college events keep happening, life is starting to crowd my head with more than just self-hurting thoughts. So, if you’re wondering if there is an end? Yeah, I guess there is. you might have to drive a few more miles in the tunnel before you really see anything.
So giving up is a no-no. Maybe you need a discussion with God, or the nearest trustable person. Either way, giving up is how we lose.
So don’t give up. We’re meant to be bent up. We’re going to be bruised. But either way, you’re awesome.
See you next week